Agent Claus Is Coming to Town

By Ronda Simmons

Originally posted December 27, 2019

My December blog post tradition of re-writing a holiday classic from a writer’s perspective was a no-brainer this year. Deepest thanks to Angie Hodapp of Nelson Literary for inspiring this reimagining. And apologies to Mr. Haven Gillespie who wrote the original. 

Agent Claus is Coming to Town 

 

Forget cookies and milk, bring on the whisky! That sleigh is cold.

Oh! You better revise, 

I don’t mean to pry, 

You better format, 

I’m telling you why 

Agent Claus is coming to town 

She’s reading your pitch, 

She’s checking your comps, 

She’ll get you a deal, whatever you want. 

Agent Claus is coming to town 

She sees you when you’re working, 

She knows when you don’t write. 

She knows when you procrastinate,

So get your word count done tonight!

Because why miss a chance at one more baby Yoda? What child is this?

So . . . You better revise, 

I don’t mean to pry, 

You better format, 

I’m telling you why 

Agent Claus is coming to town 

Little contracts, and little rewrites. 

Revisey-vise-vise and working-all-night. 

Agent Claus is coming to town. 

Book launch parties, all about you, 

Dust jackets, bios and book signings, too. 

Agent Claus is coming to town. 

The folks in your critique group 

Will have a writing sprint, 

They’re going to get their first drafts done, 

To see who is first in print. 

Ohh… You better revise, 

I don’t mean to pry, 

You better format, 

I’m telling you why 

Agent Claus is coming to town! 

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